Since finding out we were expecting a couple months ago we have heard one question or phrase that we didn’t hear during our first pregnancy with Annabelle.
“O! Congratulations! So you’re trying for a boy this time?!” or something similar along these lines.
Now let me just start by saying we do not think that there is anything wrong with taking gender guesses, in fact we had a lot of fun guessing what Annabelle’s gender was and we are really enjoying that part of our pregnancy journey this time around too. We are actually going to be finding out what this sweet little one will be this weekend surrounded by our closest family, and we can’t wait!
We also don’t think that those who have asked if we are trying for a boy mean anything negative by saying this phrase or asking this question. We truly just believe that these wonderful people in our life are just trying to make conversation and that they are just as excited to find out what this baby will be as we are!
But since having these conversations something has been tugging at my heart, and as we approach the weekend and therefore finding out what our second babies gender will be I feel more then ever like talking about some misconceptions I think our society has and why our family personally doesn’t feel the need to “try” for one type of gender baby or another.
I come from a family of girls. Growing up it was just me, my mom and my sister in our immediate family, and on my dad’s side all my cousins are female. Literally until I married Matt my Uncle Doug was the only guy at our family events. And guess what. He loved it. He loved his three beautiful daughters and his two nieces, as did our entire family. Everyone was A-Okay with the fact that there was no boys around because we had (in my opinion) some of the most intelligent, talented, funny, beautifully kind girls. My cousins, sister and I were never made to feel inferior or like we didn’t measure up to expectations because someone always wanted a boy in the family. It was actually the exact opposite. We all grew up to be very confident, secure women because we were loved and wanted for who we are and what we are by our family unconditionally. It wasn’t until I entered adulthood that I started to realized how rare of a family I was born into, and how blessed and thankful I am for that loving support system.
All around our world, and even in our own country, babies are being born into families, some girl and some boy. In some countries girls are devalued to their counterparts because of socioeconomic and financial reasons. Thankfully I live in a country that values all citizens no matter the age, race or gender. But there is still an underlying tone surrounding families of one gender in our country. Others in our culture can be quick to assume about one sex gendered families that one parent or another wishes that they had the other gender in their family to “balance things out”. Like the mom that has all boys is just overwhelmed with a mixture of all things dirt and manly, or the dad who has all daughters needs a break from a sea of pink and princesses. Coming from a family of all women, and knowing several others that are made up of one gender or the other, I can say this is a total misconception in our culture. Those families do not feel that way. At least mine didn’t…. And that’s why we are not trying for a boy.
God gave Matt and I a beautiful baby daughter as our first born child in our family, and we are absolutely obsessed with her! Each day we grow even more smitten and are even more convinced of her total perfection than the day before. Not for one second have we ever wished for or wanted her to be born a boy. We love having a bright, vivacious, silly, sweet little girl. And we are doing our best as her parents to make sure that she grows up in a family where she knows how loved, wanted and worthy she is – unconditionally. That she is exactly what her daddy and I have always dreamed of when we thought about what our family would look like once we started having children, because she is healthy, happy and thriving. And she is our child.
Therefore we would never “try for a boy” because that could potentially speak some untruths to Annabelle one day about what we think and feel about her. “Trying for a boy” could potentially send the message to her that she isn’t enough. That we wanted something she could never be. By sending those messages that would devalue her and who she is on our family. Of course we would never want to do this as her parents, and we would never let others do this to our child either. Because of this “trying for a boy” would be going in direct opposition of what we are working so diligently to plant in her life, to grow a little girl who knows her self worth and that she is loved beyond measure both by her daddy and I and her heavenly father.
So that being said when we decided that we loved her SO much that we would love for God to give us another baby as a sibling for her and another added joy to our lives we didn’t start praying for a baby boy because we already had “our girl” as some would say. No way! We just prayed for a baby – period, end of sentence. Boy or Girl it didn’t matter to us then and it doesn’t matter to us now because having children and raising a family is not about having one sex gender or the other or a mixture of both. It’s about trusting God and being thankful for what He blesses your family with when it comes to your children and the unique individuals God is entrusting in you and your spouses care to disciple, love and point to Jesus.
So if we find out this weekend that God is giving us another sweet little baby girl for us wrap in soft pink blankets and adorn it’s sweet little head with bows then we are going to celebrate and be over joyed and ecstatic that Annabelle is getting a sister and we are getting another beautiful daughter to love and adore. And if we find out that this baby is a boy, then guess what, we are going to be just as excited and just as over joyed and celebrate just as much that God is giving us a sweet little son to love and that Annabelle is getting a brother, just as much as we would have if she had been getting a sister. Because it’s not about the gender to us. It’s not about “passing down the family name” in our family. It’s about passing down the family characteristics that we want our children to grow in – love, grace, kindness, compassion, hard work ethic, discipline, being genuine, humble and respectful to all people they are given the opportunity to rub shoulders with on this earth. Matt and I fully believe those things are more important than carrying on a last name, because they are what make our last name, they are the virtues that make our family a family we can be proud of, and you don’t have to be of one sex or another to carry them on. 🙂
Much love & prayer,
Matt and Blair